Holiday News

So, my HOA president is a bitch.  I innocently asked if our neighborhood entrances would have holiday lights (like EVERY other neighborhood around us) and she proceeded to lambast me about how they never get volunteers and they have no money because no one pays their homeowners dues on time.  I let her know that I paid MINE on time and was so happy to be punished for those that didn’t.  I think this year I’ll forget to pay them.  $500 is kind of high for crappy landscaping and the use of the pool that is often closed because some kid inevitably rocks a deuce in it every couple of weeks in the summer.

Hurricane Bob comes in tonight.  So not only am I racing around trying to get my house in order for a big Christmas party, I am also running around trying to make the preparations look orderly so Dad doesn’t jump my shit for a messy house.  Also, a string of lights around one window is starting to fall down.  If I don’t get out on to the roof, he will, and no one wants to celebrate Christmas with my Dad’s funeral.  Well, maybe my husband does….just kidding.  He loves him.  In a “head-slapping, saying “ARGH” a lot” kind of way.

Speaking of the Christmas party, it should be fun.  Thank God I said it was potluck because I would have spent a million dollars on food for the number of people coming.  There are a lot of instructions for the guests too.  Bring a gift for Santa to give to their kid(s), (yes, I hired a Santa.  That’s badass, I know).  Bring a gift per each adult coming for a gift swap.  Bring a dish.  Hundred bucks at least 5 males bring nothing at all.  I’m going to have extra swap gifts for those who forget.  But they’re going to be crap and I’ll have their names on them, so maybe next year they’ll think twice about showing up to my party empty handed.  Also, they will not be allowed to eat.  Or drink.  Or be merry.  I hope people like egg nog with either rum or Jack Daniels, because that’s the drinks I’m serving.  There’s a liquor store in The Colony if you want to run out and get yourself something.  I’ve been busy decorating.

Emma seems to be really concerned that she might be on the Naughty list this year.  Yet continues to act naughty.  Which is totally going to backfire because I’ve bought her about $40,000 in presents.  She does seem to act nice when she’s within site range of the Elf on the Shelf.  So we make any demands standing in front of that elf.  “Get me a coke.  Pick up those shoes.  Pass Mommy the ashtray.  Let the dogs out.”  She will gleefully do these things while making sure the elf sees her.  Ha ha stupid kids.

Despite the Grinchy attitude, I think it’s going to be a nice Christmas.  Either the bills are caught up or Ron’s not telling me, (that’s fine), it’ll be nice to see my Dad, (despite the complaints, I adore him), my sweet friend Lana has bought us tickets to the Gaylord ICE display (although I’m sad that she’s had some bad family news, and super-bummed that she won’t be joining us), Emma’s going to have a wonderful Christmas, the house looks great, my shopping is almost done, it looks like we’re taking a Houston trip right after Christmas to see a ton of family we rarely get to see, and this Friday is the last day of work until January 3rd. 

So, here’s hoping the party is a success and everyone has fun, that Hurricane Bob makes it only moderately stressful with his visit, that I can get those Christmas lights fixed without falling off the roof and killing myself, that everyone stays happy and calm, and that Santa doesn’t show up to the party loaded and doesn’t throw up on any of the kids.  I don’t know why I’m worried about that, but for some reason I’ll feel better when I’ve ascertained that he’s not trashed when he arrives.

I hope everyone has a Very Merry Christmas!!