My friend Mike and I are on year three of what we hope will continue to be an annual date that consists of dinner at the Cheesecake Factory and a horrifically scary movie afterwards at the adjoining AMC theater. Our cool spouses allow us to have this annual date every year for three reasons. One, Mike and I have known each other since 10th grade, so we are “safe dates”, meaning if there was even the remote chance of funny business, one would physically pummel the other, at which point the spouses would start pummeling, and then everyone would be dead. Number two, neither one of them have any interest whatsoever in seeing scary movies, especially our choice over the last two years, which were Paranormal Activity 1 and Paranormal Activity 2. Number three, I’m fairly certain that they enjoy the fact that Mike and I laugh about scaring the shit out of each other in the weeks leading up to the movie, but on the day of, we are both sort of jumpy. So, we’re lucky enough this year to be able to see the third installment of the franchise, Paranormal Activity 3. I get that there is limited plot development or inexpensive effects or even that it follows a formula. Let me put it this way. These movies scare the living crap out of me. Let me tell you, carefully scanning a room via video looking to see if something, anything moves, and then actually seeing something move, is the closest I’ve ever come to needing Depends, if you’re pickin up what I’m throwin down. So, today is the day we go see it. Here’s Mike & I’s conversation today:
“Hey Mike, a review of PA 3 said that the last 15 minutes will mess you up for life”.
“Oh yeah, well you’re not going home after the movie, you are going to my secret graveyard and having a seance with my Parker Brothers Ouija Board!”
“Mike, I was just looking at graveyards to go to after! There is a segregated, run down graveyard in McKinney that some ghost hunters are even afraid to go into, and there are reports of voices telling people to GET OUT”. (I think I’m winning here).
“Well believe me the one I am talking about isn’t even on the map. It dates back to the early settlers here in the area – and almost no one knows about it – 1820’s and some of them were murdered by savage Indians! Oh yeah and then there is the one baby grave – where the kid was found on top of the Campbell church and no one knows how it got there or how it died.”
“Ok well holy crap. I’m sure Michelle will need you home immediately after the movie.”
“Nah …she is good – this will be unbelievable fun – oh yeah we are going to need a lantern. And wear tennis shoes or hiking boots.”
“Ok well holy crap.”
I can’t tell if Mike is really serious about the post-movie graveyard. If he is, part of me thinks it would be awesome, because I’ve always wanted to do the spooky-graveyard-at-night-at-Halloween thing. The other part of me thinks I really don’t want my friend Mike to see me shit myself, because doing this after the movie where “the last 15 minutes will mess you up for life”, definitely adds a new element of fear this year. The good news is, I’m less nervous about the movie now and way more nervous about being killed in a wooded graveyard. But, if we can videotape it, it could be one of the more hilarious things I’ve ever done.
Wish me luck. More to come. Or…….is there?!