Originally posted 7/2010:
I’m trying to get Emma into The Daisy program, which all good moms know is the pre-Brownies, which is the pre-Girl Scouts. I’m pretty sure this was my missing link, so I figure, unless I want Emma to wind up smoking weed behind the wall at the Clark McDonalds, I’d best get started now.
I received an email from the regional coordinator, basically telling me to chill out, and that information regarding the Daisies would be communicated at the start of the fall Kindergarten semester. Then she asked me if I was interested in becoming a Troop Leader. Here’s my response:
Dear Ms. Shoemaker
You bet your ass I want to be a Troop Leader! It sounds like the Girl Scouts, unlike The Texas Department of Corrections, are down with the idea of “second chances”. I do see you require a criminal background check, but seeing as though I consider “Girl Scouts” a part of “society”, I assume that I’ve paid my debt to you. I’d like to be able to provide a letter of recommendation, but my asshole P.O. is probably still bent out of shape about my recent positive drug test, which I EXPLAINED to him had to be a contact high from all of the weed my husband smokes. But don’t worry, he won’t be allowed at any of the Daisy meetings. Fuckhead sleeps all days on Saturdays usually anyway. My point is, legally he has to be 100 yards away from children as it is, so I will send him to Centennial or something when we’re having the meetings, no problem.
Speaking of meetings, I have a lot of great ideas for Daisy activities. I think it’s important that the girls learn real life skills that will benefit them when they’re adults. Since the Daisies are all in Kindergarten, they are plenty old enough to be shooting and gutting deer, (with supervision, obviously!). There are so many life lessons in just that one activity, I can’t even tell you. Providing food for your family, stealthiness, aim, shooting stuff, killing stuff… The list goes on and on! Plus, once they’ve stripped the carcasses, they can bleach the bones and use them for art projects or to carve their own weapons or something. After they’ve really got a feel for it, I envision an entire “Daisies Do Lord Of The Flies” weekend, where we just drop them off at Possum Kingdom Lake for the weekend and let them shoot and kill their own food and create their own government and stuff. Seriously, how awesome would that be? I dont know how many Daisy petals they’d earn for coming out of that weekend as the Leader but I’d have to bet It. Is. A. Ton.
Anyway, I will complete all of the paperwork and will wait to hear from you. I am SO excited to become a Daisy troop leader I literally just crapped my pants!