Tattoos and Why I Probably Think You’re A Moron If You Have Any

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Tattooing has now become an accepted practice in our society, viewed as “artistic expression” or “art” or even just “cool” or “fun”.  So here’s my 100% editorialized opinion first.  I think that in general, tattoos are stupid.  When I see someone with visible tattoos, my opinion of their character plummets.  Unless an extreme exception was to occur, I would be extremely unlikely to hire someone with a visible tattoo, because I think they make people look trashy and unprofessional.  Don’t even get me started about Tramp Stamps.  You KNOW they’re trashy when you get them, so don’t get all huffy that I’m pointing it out.  At it’s core, the overwhelming majority of people that I know who have tattoos are people that I think have low self esteem, feel they have something to prove, did it to be rebellious over a past life-slight, or feel the need to permanently mar their skin to show that they love their kids or some other family member or their band or Yosemite Sam or a propensity for barbed wire, and for some reason don’t have the sense to find another artistic outlet for that.  If you like Texas, buy a shirt.  If you like flowers, go plant some.  If you’re band is important to you, go have bumper stickers made.  If you like barbed wire, go wrap your f’ing property with it.  Sidenote, if you’re going to get a tattoo, at least go to Scott Cooksey or some other really artistic professional, don’t go to some guys kitchen who doesn’t have the color you even want so you settle on what he has.  You don’t want to go for the “deal” on something permanent that takes up half of your back.  Keep in mind; I’ve formed this opinion about these people whether or not they have a tattoo.  But I find that the tattoo evidence reinforces my opinions of them.  It’s like, totally scientific, yo.  And yes, I just recommended a tattoo artist.  My dislike of the result does not mean that I don’t appreciate the creativity exhibited by talented artists.  It’s like your parents saying, “I don’t want you to drink, but if you do drink, please at least call me for a ride”.  It’s actually probably more like, “I don’t want you to drink, but if you do drink, at least drink Gentleman Jack…that other whiskey is crap”.

I believe that just because society approves of something does not make it right.   I’ll leave to your imagination the myriad of global examples here, because I’m sure my views on some are particularly polarizing, and they’re not what I’m talking about right now anyway.  I’m also Catholic, but far from the “best” Catholic in the world.  That doesn’t mean I don’t have the core values of my church, or an opinion or belief system based on my faith.  Did you know that some people feel that the Bible warns against tattoos in Leviticus 19:28 which says, “Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print or tattoo any marks upon you: I am the Lord.”?  Go ahead and interpret it how you want.  I’m kinda thinking God’s not big on inking up your temple with a picture of your girlfriend’s tits.  There are also several other Bible verses that address marking your skin, idolatry, etc. but I think I’ve already freaked out about 90% of people who know me and didn’t realize my faith-based opinions on this.

I am not trying to condemn anyone who already has a tattoo; well, ok, yes I am.  Not so much condemn as laugh, point and alienate.  Kidding.  Like I said before, I do have maybe, maybe 5-6 friends or acquaintances who I can say that their body art does is not a clear representation to me that they are insecure, dumb, misguided, whores, dumbasses…whatever.  But still….the vast majority?  It does.   FYI, I am a poster child in poor judgment.  I had a tattoo myself.  And not a rose on my ankle or a tasteful, small symbol…I had OZZY tattooed onto my BOOB.  I don’t think God condemned me for that.  I think He knew I was young and stupid.  I also think He was pleased when I had it removed.  I didn’t have it removed solely because I didn’t like it, (I didn’t) or was completely drunk when I got it, (I was), or that I thought it was incredibly trashy (I did), but because it felt, to me, like God wouldn’t really appreciate me treating his gift with a blatent disregard for common sense.  I also know some very godly people who have tattoos and their tattoos do not interfere with what God is doing through them.  So this opinion is not meant to say they do not love God.  Ear piercings are most likely in the same category, and I don’t seem to have any problem with those.  Frustrating, huh?  Well, too bad.   Disagree with me if you will.  But good luck getting your vile retaliatory comments posted here.  I love having personal censorship abilities!       

So I’m making a lot of conflicting statements.  “People who have tattoos are stupid, except for the people I deem not stupid.”  Not exactly.  The vast majority of people I KNOW who have tattoos I feel do it for immature reasons and exhibit at least one of the following attributes:  They’re insecure, they have low self esteem, they’re idiots, they feel that art is best exhibited on their body, or they’re trash.  I just use that rule as my own personal scientific sampling of the greater population. 

Now, feel free to send me pics of your moronic tattoos and I will post them here.