I’m in goal-setting mode.   I’ve learned that I’m a victim, like a lot of people are, of becoming so overwhelmed at the prospect of doing so many things, I shut down.  I’ve also learned that no matter what you think about a person’s life, you’re probably wrong.  And it’s almost always way harder than you think.   Not just harder….WAY harder.

My struggles aren’t even as mundane as “get the playroom cleaned and organized”, “go through the 7000 boxes in the garage”, or “do the dishes”.  Well, they are, because those are all on my list.  What I’m struggling with is setting small goals to get to huge goals.  I think everyone struggles with this.  Uh, at least I hope I’m not the only one.  The frustrating thing is that I KNOW how to do this.  But there seems to be this impenetrable wall between me and Step 1.   For example, I really want to write.  Not just this crap, or the witty anecdotes I come up with, (What?  I’m pretty witty) on Facebook.  I want to write a book.  I want to write short stories for magazines.  I want to start keeping a journal to organize my thoughts.  The journal one is the easy one, right?  Wrong.  Thinking about keeping a journal makes me start thinking of “Where do I buy those” and then leads to “I also want to write a book” and then “I also want to travel” and then “I wish I had money to travel” and then “I wish I had a job that paid more so I could travel”….then I’m overwhelmed and decide to watch Deadliest Catch.

It’s a self-depreciating thought-process I’ve struggled with my whole life.  Sure, I’ve been able to conquer it in some areas.  But, it takes me time.  I wanted to learn to knit since I was about 18.  I learned when I was 31.  I didn’t get decent at it until I was 36.  Ok fine, 39.  This is probably one of the only examples in my entire life where I wanted to learn or do something, and I worked in small increments over a long period of time to master it.  Fortunately, this gives me encouragement now.   And almost an advantage, right?  I think I’m a pretty good writer.  I wasn’t a pretty good knitter when I started.  I’ve actually had someone personally contact me and say, “You have the capacity to be a great writer, here are some resources.”  At the time, I didn’t really have the emotional capacity to take on “One More Thing”.  Now, I’m starting to think I do.  I wish that person would contact me again, because it’s a little embarassing to say, “Hey, remember what you told me, and I told you I was ready to try?  Well, I wasn’t.  But now I am!  No, really!  Can you give me all of the information that you took a lot of time and effort before to give me again?”  Signed, #feelslikeanA-hole

So, I’ll be working really hard over the next couple of weeks to set small goals, and actually do them.  THEN actually give myself credit and encouragement for doing them.  Feel free to send me a journal for God’s sake.