A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Bank…

Ron: “I wouldn’t light that cigarette.”
Jen: “Why not?”
Ron: “Because if you roll down the window, someone could drive by and spash you with icy slush.”
Jen: *eyeroll*…”Whatev.”

…3 seconds later…


Jen: “AAARGH!!”
Ron: “I told you.”
Jen: “Shut up, asshole!”
Ron: “Aren’t you going to close the window?”
Jen: “Duh, no, what are the odds of that happening again?”

…3 seconds later…


Jen: “AAAARRGH!!!” *sputtering, slush in mouth*
Ron: “You’re a retard.”
Jen: “Shut UP, Ron!!”
Ron: “Fine, I’ll move over to the right lane so no cars come by on your side.”
Jen: “thanks.”

…3 seconds later…

*SPLOOOOSH*…DRIVERS side, across the windsheild, through my open window.

Jen: “AAAARRRRRGHHH!! Seriously! How is that even possible?!?”
Ron: *Laughing*… I love being right!”
Jen: “FINE, I’ll put it out. Shut up Ron.”

…1 minute later…

Ron: “Hey, can you light me a cigarette?”. *mutters under his breath*..”I’ll need your window open instead of mine. Safety reasons”.


Jen’s Bitchin Bloody Marys

Bloody Mary mix
Lemon juice

Fill a glass 3/4 with ice. It’s funnier if you have a novelty glass…I chose one that was given to me as a gift that says “Crazy Bitch”. Thanks Debbie O’Reilly!

Fill glass with 1 1/2 parts vodka and 2 1/2 parts Bloody Mary mix. Assuming all beverage containers = 4 parts.

Also, I use Mr. And Mrs. T’s mix, because I pity the fool who doesn’t like my bloody marys. Yeah, I know it’s not the same guy. I don’t care. I still like to say it as I’m making them.

Take a butter knife and get a smidge of prepared horseradish and drop it on in. Check the expiration date. I had horseradish that expires in July, and horseradish that expired when Bush was in office. I…think I used the right one. Shit.

Squeeze in juice from a wedge of lemon, and about four shakes of Worcestershire. Add a dash or two of pepper.

Drop in a few small olives. If you’re using Kroger brand olives, you might have to poke around in the jar to find olives whose basic molecular structure has not been seriously compromised. The ratio of good to bad olives in my jar was 14 bad olives to every 1 salvagable olive.

Stir, enjoy. Toast me when you taste how awesome it is.